so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
