that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
