McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
