We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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