If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
