2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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