I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
this beer tastes like vomit already
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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