it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
