I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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