i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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