I'd wear matching sweaters with you
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
