I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
