fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Randomize
