Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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