I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
