Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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