my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
