We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
