why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
