your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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