Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
