Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
