I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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