i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
