Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
