Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dignity is for republicans.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
