There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
