My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
