I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
