Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
