Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
sex in a hospital.. check
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
