i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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