Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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