i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
is that a dick in a sweater?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
