Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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