I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
