i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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