i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
