i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
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