I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
