I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
