all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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