Everything about him screamed your future.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
