just come out here and I will go home with you...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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