FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
