My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
