You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
