Porn is love you can see.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
