R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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