The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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