Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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