I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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