I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
