I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
