I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
